Success

In the classic book “The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People” Stephen R. Covey lays down the groundwork for becoming a highly effective person. Funny how that works since it’s right there in the title. But let’s face it… some of us don’t really want to be effective!

There’s so much pressure of us from society now to be “successful…” whatever that means. We need to all makes tons of money, drive fancy cars and be beautiful just like in the magazines. Well what if that’s really too much work?

What if we’re happy with being ineffective?

So in case you’ve got swept up in the social craze of high achievement here are 7 habits to get you back to your old ineffective self.

Habit 1: Be Reactive

We all know there’s tons of stuff we could be doing to make our lives better. But let’s be honest… most of that stuff is scary and really, really hard! Whether it’s going to the gym every day or finding ways to make more money… sometimes it’s best just to sit back and let stuff happen to us.

After all if we never go out and try to accomplish anything then there’s no chance of failure – or success – so we eliminate those two big fears right out of the box. Plus when we’re reactive we can blame our circumstances for what happens to us. Everyone knows that if we’re poor it’s the governments fault and if we’re fat it’s all because of those evil fast food companies.

Habit 2: Begin with Nothing in Mind

Think about all those plans you’ve made in your life and how none of them really seem to work out. After all you’ve been planning to be a millionaire and sleep with movie stars your entire life and what has it gotten you? It’s much better if you have no plan or direction in your life at all.

When we focus on goals we end up trying to achieve them and develop as people. This is obviously a lot less fun than meandering hopelessly through life in a haze brought on by excessive drugs and alcohol. Plus this method works for the rock stars so why can’t it work for you?

Habit 3: Put First Things Last

We all have really important things we know we should do. But those things are often a lot more boring than the really fun stuff we can do instead. So it’s a lot healthier if we focus on those fun things and put off the big scary important things till later.

If you’re really creative you can probably find enough fun stuff to do so that you never even have to worry about the scary stuff. After all… look how many TV channels we have today filled with exciting and dynamic programming. With a bit of practice it’s easy to find new distractions to occupy our time.

Habit 4: Think Lose/Lose

Let’s face it… to get ahead in life you have to take advantage of other people and generally be an evil person. There is definitely no way to create a win/win situation for anyone so why even bother? You also don’t want to let others get the best of you so it’s always better to focus on getting lose/lose outcome for every situation you face.

If you really want to go to a movie but your friend really wants to go to a different (read: bad) movie then make sure you both come out of this situation both as miserable as each other. This is easily achieved by picking another movie that you’ll both hate equally as much.

Habit 5: Seek First to Be Understood, Then to Understand

If you’re reading this then you probably realize you’re smarter than 99% of the population… if not everyone. That’s why whenever you have an opinion or idea you should always try to carefully explain (using small words helps) why you’re right to others who are less intelligent than you. And if that doesn’t work you might as well mock and ridicule them.

We both know that if more people were like us the world would be a much better place. So it’s our responsibility to try and change as many people as possible. In fact it’s likely that you’re wasting your precious time even trying to understand other people’s inferior point of view.

Habit 6: Antagonize

People are much more productive when they work alone in competition with each other. Therefore you should try to foster an air of no holds barred competitive brutality with any team or organisation you come into contact with. If you celebrate your star performers achievements while berating the losers sooner or later everyone will lift their game to your high standards.

But don’t forget that this habit also applies to other organizations like your church or even your own family. If your children are constantly pitted against each other in competition for your love then they’ll soon realize winning is everything.  Once you’ve created this competitive environment you can then shape and mold them to fulfil your own childhood dreams.

Habit 7: Dull the Saw

Since the dawn of the self-help movement people have been mislead into thinking that in order to have a fulfilling life we have to constantly be improving and evolving. However the proponents of this new philosophy obviously never met us and realized that there are some people who are simply already perfect. After all it helps everyone else to have role models to aspire to and although it’s a big burden it’s one we’re more than happy to take on.

If they want to waste time reflecting on life and meditating then good luck to them. While they’re out there singing songs and holding hands trying to rejuvenate their lives we’ve already got it mastered. After all what kind of rest is better than sitting in front of the TV eating anyway?

A call to inaction

Too long have we been told that we have to “make” something or ourselves or lead a good life. What’s wrong with just getting by and taking up space? At the end of the day we all end up in the same box under the ground anyway.

Just face the fact that life is life and there’s nothing we can ever do to change our circumstances. Accept that if we’re fat, poor, lonely and miserable there’s nothing we could ever do to change this. Just remember to plaster on fake smile and stumble through the mindless boredom of another day.

¡Viva la Revolución!